Tag Archives: trust

Being Pissed Off And Doing It Anyway!

Posted on September 10, 2015 | 2 comments
Mike Myers as "The Love Guru"

Mike Myers as “The Love Guru”

I don’t remember ever being sick for two whole weeks in my entire life to this point! It is debilitating, frustrating and when you are depending on picking up casual work in order to make a decent kind of income it’s stressful too! Yet again my Guru, or Spirit, is giving me the opportunity to fully embrace the notion of trust. How wonderful!

getting-things-done-do1The things I was lamenting as undone in my last grumpy post remain undone. And yet it is still possible at times to be sufficiently focused and bloody minded to achieve some things. Putting a playlist together for our next dance this Sunday did not require physical effort so I chose to focus on that yesterday. I felt horrible and completely uninspired but I just plugged away and in the end I created a playlist I can be proud of. It also removed some of the stress that has been lurking around all the things that my Beloved and I are behind on with this long sickness.

calm sunset

Sometimes it is a bit like that saying they have in Alcoholics Anonymous:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

If the word God disturbs you then feel free to substitute it for whatever word you like to use to describe a higher power in your life. It is a moving feast too, something that seems impossible for me to change today may suddenly become a completely different kettle of fish tomorrow. But if you are doing what you can in the moment there is a level of satisfaction even when you are still swimming in a sea of frustration.

sea of frustration

Having said all that I must confess to feeling a bit grumpy about this flu dragging on and on. I am feeling better than I was but still not completely recovered, the fuel tanks are empty and I feel quite exhausted. So I will continue to do my best to surrender to this whole sorry mess and to trust that Spirit and I know what we are doing.

Spiritual-Path-x8qkfc

Aho!

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Ask For What You Want And Be Free!

Posted on August 12, 2015 | Leave a comment

in the warsIt’s been an interesting journey since I last posted, and yes quite a bit of it felt like that old Chinese curse/blessing, “May you live in interesting times.” My Beloved and I are inhabiting the in-between realm of transition from the life we have been living to something new that isn’t always completely clear. That of course is where trust comes in, one of the more challenging life lessons that spirit keeps tossing our way. The one on impermanence seems to be settling down somewhat even to the point that we are beginning to move away from our house sitting lifestyle. Not completely but we have a home base that feels very independent now so we will be very picky about where we go from now on.

Have fun.

One of the big lessons from our last house sit was about being clear about what our needs are and giving them a high value. We ended up sharing our space because we let the needs of others be more important than our own. Of course there are times when it is appropriate to put someone else first but you need to be conscious about what you are doing and why. My Beloved needs regular solitude in order to be a happy and healthy human being but he had to bring this basic need into his awareness and then learn how to ask for it. Sounds simple doesn’t it but it has been a very challenging process for him. How easy do you find it to actually ask for what you want in life?

higher self

It’s the old story, we might know what we want but the idea of asking for it brings up all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. My early conditioning was so thorough I often had trouble even knowing what it was that I wanted, especially when it came to my sexuality. There is such freedom in expressing your truth no matter what! I’ve said it before and I will say it again, beyond the discomfort is a whole new realm of possibility and transformation. Don’t accept the limitations that Western culture uses to keep its populations under control. Be the magnificent being that is hiding in the depths beneath all those shallow materialistic concerns.

Be the best that you can be and love yourself exactly as you are!

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Surrendering To The Flow Of Synchronicity.

Posted on July 1, 2015 | Leave a comment

Passionate-embraceMy Beloved emerged with birthing pains as I reached deep into myself and found the Mother in me with roots deep in the ground. So connected to the earth I was able to weather the storm and hold the space until he was safely out of that dangerous threshold between life and death. You do not always have to die in order to discover your deepest fears, call upon the Gods and they will answer you but it may not always be in the way that you might expect.

godgoddesstree

I have found my strength in the journey of trust that my Beloved and I have walked hand in hand, it is beginning to go deeper yet. The more that you trust the more that your life will flow along the course of the intention that you have set. The intention is important, to have a vision of what you are creating held before you in some way, shape or form. Of course the flow of synchronicity may go through what seem like ups and downs but it is always heading towards the best possible result.

Big Rainbow

The constant sea of change is in full flow and there is still a great deal of uncertainty but a safe port has been found and the port, no the ports in the storm have been lovely! Confused? Well so am I, feel free to read over the last few posts if you would like to catch up on the shifting sands of my recent existence. Lots of reasons to be very grateful at the amazing life I get to lead and time to go to bed so I can step into a brand new chapter tomorrow!

See you in the dawn light of that new day my friends, hooray!

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We Live In Exciting Times!

Posted on January 7, 2015 | 1 comment

christmas house lightsSome of you may wonder where I have been lately, two Wednesdays have passed with no word from the vortex…………perhaps the words were sucked into the bright tinselly realms of Christmas time and New Year! It can be a challenging time of year for many but Yuletide stress is not something I can really claim, both my family gatherings were full of food, laughter and generally good cheer all round.

white christmas

No the truth is that I am experiencing a strong reluctance to spend any time at all in front of my computer. It’s a feeling in my body that gives no reason for this, a visceral response that completely bypasses the so-called reasoning brain. At the same time I feel strongly called to continue writing posts, feels like I am being pulled in two directions. So with the madness of the festive season I  completely lost the plot and disappeared into the vortex of flashing lights and festive celebrations.

So am I back I hear you ask? The answer to that question is still under exploration as I attempt to navigate my way in what feels like a whole new chapter of my existence. I keep getting the sense of being on the brink of something huge and exciting, for myself but also for the larger community. These are end times that we are living in and there is a grand opportunity to create new stories for the new humanity that is being birthed at this time.

spiritual energy

The trick is to be in the flow of energy and to be able to respond to the sudden changes that are a feature of this huge transition that humanity is attempting to go through. My mobile life as a house sitter is a wonderful preparation for living moment to moment, trusting that there will always be somewhere for my Beloved and I to call home. Trusting that we can make our way in a world that often seems inimical to the deeper spiritual waters where we love to swim and play.

So I will do my best to meet the commitment of one post per week and we shall see where this new energy leads. As I sit here writing this I am looking out at green fields and a large brown cow that is scratching itself on a post. And yet I am in a suburban house about five minutes walk into the heart of town, another beautiful home that we are most privileged to be able to live in for a time. The phrase that comes to mind is that things can only get better, also the title of a dancy pop song by a band I’ve never heard of: D:Ream. You may want to put on your dancing shoes and take a spin as you listen to this one, enjoy!

 

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Trust And Surrender Yet Again!

Posted on August 13, 2014 | Leave a comment

sick_in_bedI have been unwell and a bit tired and so decided to look back at what I wrote a year ago, surprise, surprise to discover that I was sick then too! It’s a good reminder for me as I am not a terribly good patient for all the good advice I sometimes hand out, must trust that the body is doing whatever it feels is necessary for my ultimate health and well-being. And my intuition was working well too, I knew there was a big change coming up and I did hope it might be my Beloved, and it was! What a lucky woman am I!

God Goddess

Okay, so in the end I’ve had to surrender to being sick, managed to get through work and play on the weekend, and then monday morning was spent in bed instead of yoga. That night I started losing my voice which means missing a shift on the crisis phones, guess it’s time to rest and just allow my body to release whatever it needs to. There is a kind of relief in that feeling, trust is often a bit tricky, but one thing I do absolutely trust in is my body’s wisdom.

body-of-light

I did go out last night for what’s known in my local club as a bunya meal, if you are in the community exchange system you can do that, but only on a monday night which is when they have the blackboard with 15 minute spots for musos. Nice not to have to cook and very nurturing to connect with my community, old friends and some newer ones, I even managed a bit of a dance. But before the music was over my voice was failing and that more than anything signalled that it was time to wend my weary way home, luckily only a 2 minute drive.

stillness2

The message from my body is clear, rest, rest and more rest! I have also not been so good at following my own advice and intentions, so this evening I will do some meditation and bring my focus to raising my vibration. Probably the Telos Daily Activation of Light Meditation followed by some sitting meditation, with no voice I won’t be doing any toning that’s for sure! In that quiet space I will ask if there is anything I need to know at the moment. I have a sense of something opening up for me but I’m not sure exactly what it may be, I feel that my settling in one place may be soon but not sure about that either.

Not sure about much am I, that’s why I will ask for guidance, and if I don’t need to know then I will do my best to surrender to the uncertainty. Being ok with not knowing is often the hardest thing of all, and yet if you can do it, it’s also a blessed relief.

Found a lovely guided meditation to share with you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrgGouSUUPc

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Flying Into The Mystery, As I Fall Apart!

Posted on April 4, 2014 | Leave a comment

falling apartI was getting ready to go and visit a friend in hospital yesterday and as I put my bag on my shoulder I felt a sudden and sharp pain in my right neck and shoulder. A few gentle stretches and I was on my way but I could feel the soreness in my body and this gradually got worse as the day went on, felt like I was falling apart! I began to notice other aches in my body and realised that my second yoga class for the year (yes I did finally make it!) had really had quite an impact.

There is the obvious fact that if you are not stretching so often the muscles are going to end up a bit sore when you actually do get to it, but as always I tend to contemplate a bigger picture when I consider physical manifestations such as aches and pains. Love making is a place where a lot of my therapy happens these days, it can be enormously helpful in moving energies that are active in the body and so assist in clearing out old patterns. So there was quite a lot coming up for me and at one point I could ‘see’ this black shape in my neck, it was a rough black shape a bit like an infinity symbol.

Masculine Feminine SpiritForce

It seemed to dissolve with the movement of energy so I think it was released but it will probably be something I will check on when I am on my medicine journey tonight. My intention will revolve around physical healing as that is what is coming up strongly for me at the moment, the bladder is still behaving itself at present but I when I tune in I can feel that it is still not in an optimum state of health. My experience on journeys is that my intention is always addressed but often I get a much bigger and broader picture so it will be interesting to see what comes up.

spiritual mystery

I feel very ‘open’ which is a great space to be in when going into the mystery, the trick is to state your intention and then to let it go and surrender to the process. What a fortunate life I do lead where I have the opportunity to go on grand adventures into my inner realms, with beautiful facilitators who hold a deep and respectful space that I can dive into, carried on the wings of trust.

Fly, fly high, let the earth touch the sky………………an inspirational song from the fabulous Deva Premal and Miten, enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKYgA2JaufY

 

 

 

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The Face Of The Divine Is You.

Posted on March 26, 2014 | Leave a comment

RainyDaysIngredients for staying in bed for far longer than one is supposed to, touch of autumn chill in the air, so cosy under the sheets! Cat snuggled into my bum and the backs of my knees as I lie in a foetal position, thoughts of my beloved drifting into my awareness as I listen to the gentle rain falling outside and allow myself to simply be. Yoga does tempt me but here you find me still partly snuggled under the sheets and cotton blanket with the cat curled up between my legs, computer on my lap, writing to you.

This is the cat I was referring to, a visitor to the house.

This is the cat I was referring to, a visitor to the house.

And now I know what I came here to write, something I have been thinking about sharing with you, a letter I wrote to my Beloved.

Dear Lover,

I treasure your tender loving gaze, your upturned mouth with soft lips tempting me to taste this beautiful bounty that is you. I trust you utterly at depth, I always feel perfectly safe when I am with you, allowing me to open more deeply then I have ever known. You open me to divinity, to the timeless essence that is existence, that cannot be bound for it is boundless. I am you and you are me, together we connect in the energies of love, the ecstatic dance of the polarities.

Love pours out from every cell and when I truly connect with that vibration there is no distance between us, even when we are apart. I love you and always will, looking forward to our shared future as cosmic micronaughts!

Thank you Mother for bringing us together, and to Ganesh for the removal of obstacles.

Your Lover (The Woman who adores you!)

passionate embrace

I never did finish “Dear Lover” by David Deida, so I bought a copy for myself from the Book Depository, it’s the kind of book I think is best read a little at a time. My letter above is not unlike what David Deida writes in his book, it may not be for everyone but I really like the way that he describes being in a relationship. As a spiritual practice it becomes your therapy and everything becomes heightened as you let go of heaviness and shadow amidst great and intense pleasure, light shining everywhere.

Light, delight, and beauty, nature in all her moods and the flow of fun, faeries and moon dust, the Goddess and her consort, true love in my heart, we are all one.

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I Laughed So Hard I Wet Myself!

Posted on January 29, 2014 | Leave a comment

bumpy roadI almost decided to take a holiday on this post but my over conscientious  and obsessive nature won’t let me let you down. So here I am trying to make sense as I am being driven along a sometimes bumpy road by my Beloved, as we embark on day three of some much-needed time off. Ahhhh………..at last the freeway is offering a smoother passage………so what do I have to share with you today?

Well the first thing that comes to mind s that laughter is the best medicine of all, helpless laughter over the silliest things and I feel like a child. A child in the best sense of the word, present and open to whatever life may bring to me and full of wonder and joy at the gifts that I already enjoy in such bountiful helpings. Laughing so hard I actually pee myself, embarrassing but true, you see how much trust I’ve developed in life! Well, would you admit to the world that you wet your pants!!

Joy-and-Happiness

My heart, mind and soul feel incredibly open as I continue to move into this amazing new chapter of my life, my spirit dances and my intuition sings. The mind does its best to keep up with the larger me but this morning its feeling a little overwhelmed and struggling to be coherent, much less entertaining or profound.

AN INTERMISSION WHILE WE WALK THE CITY STREETS SEEKING A GOWN TO ADORN GALADRIEL FOR MY FABULOUS 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY, FOR THE UNINITIATED THAT’S A LORD OF THE RINGS THING. GALADRIEL IS RATHER SERIOUS IN THE FILM SO I’M GOING TO BE HER TEENAGE WILD CHILD SELF, THE PERIOD IN HER LIFE WHEN THE FIRE IN HER BELLY MATCHED THE HAIR ON HER HEAD!

Here's Galadriel being all serious!

Here’s Galadriel being all serious!

I’m back and writing as we drive along, this is the first time I’ve walked city streets for a whole year and it was a tad overwhelming. Since moving to the country I am much more sensitive, it’s less about all the buildings and cars and traffic lights and more to do with the thronging energies of people and devices milling about in a sea of chaos.

If you want to develop your sensitivity and still live in an urban environment then I suggest you consider carefully what kinds of practices might support you in remaining open without becoming overcome by the sheer  volume of energetic traffic. Meditation is always helpful and there are as many ways of doing it as there are people. Any activity where you are firmly ensconced in your heart will give you protection and help you to perceive the beauty of life in whatever environment you are in.

The analogy for that state of consciousness that the American Indians call “Beauty’s Way”, is being in love. It’s a pretty nice way of going there but luckily it isn’t the only doorway, I’m driving the Love Bug quite blissfully at the moment but it is by no means the first time that I’ve travelled that particular inner landscape. I’ve found it through friendships, dance, yoga and meditation, I always joke about toning being my favourite way of getting ‘bent’, I’m sure there are endorphins that get triggered when we are doing things that we love that bring us into openness and joy.

Can you imagine a world full of open-hearted, joyful folk, all expressing their uniqueness in the world and creating a global community of co-operation and mutual care? I can, and the more of us that hold this vision in our heart space, the more likely we are to get there!

Shanti, shanti, shanti………peace, peace, peace.

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The Present Is A Gift So Be Here Now.

Posted on January 24, 2014 | 2 comments
From "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass.

From “Be Here Now” by Ram Dass.

We live in tumultuous times and my chosen path is to navigate through shifting sands, while remaining fairly harmonious and doing the entire thing with a certain amount of ease and grace. Or  at least that’s the plan, I try not to get too far ahead with the details of what I’m creating, by the time I get there details will have quite likely changed, sometimes drastically so. It is the closest I can be to living in the moment, in that space a lot of the time but stuff does still get triggered, which will often bring up the past, and also fears around the future.

Am I house sitting, renting or living with my mother, the how, why and when of all this possibility continues to be perfectly fluid, I hold a piece of potential in my hand and look to the future. I can see how it might shape that landscape but in the next moment it might change completely. So I do my best to give myself to the moment that I am in, and what I find is that the present moment is usually pretty good, nothing to stress about.

I guess I’m challenging the part of me that worries about survival, roof over the head and food on the table kind of thing, we do live in uncertain times and faith is essential in order to be a calm space amidst the chaos that is modern life. The thing is I have never been in the position of not having somewhere to live, I’ve been living in some very nice places with my house sitting. And the food I eat is largely organic, and with very little in the way of processed products, as much a whole food diet as I can manage while listening to the body’s changing needs.

I am feeling a lot more trusting though, everybody is entitled to being a bit shaky from time to time, it’s called being a part of the human race! Most of the time I am very happy on my path, often intensely so, seems that the struggle has finally been let go of, as the  future opens up pregnant with possibilities.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

So be it, so be it, so be it……………

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Summer Solstice Heat: Rebirth Into Love.

Posted on December 20, 2013 | Leave a comment

fall_harvestAs I began to seek inspiration for my Solstice Toning Circle I noticed a feeling of familiarity that was arising within me at the themes and symbols associated with this event. The sun firing up our passions, desires and sensuality, awakening of consciousness, the colours red, yellow and orange, and the celebration of a bountiful harvest!

rawfood

It began with a session I had of Zen Shiatsu and the guidance I received which matched my intuition completely, I’d been attracted to foods I don’t normally eat so much, like potato and bread, gorgeous organic pies with tomato sauce. Comfort food, and food that has a warming effect on the body according to Chinese Medicine, I also hadn’t felt much like salad which is highly unusual for me and that of course is cold for the body.

Seems I was depleted in my spleen and I certainly had no energy that day, I was so low I could have cried, I thanked myself heartily for having the sense to book this session for myself three weeks previously. I’ve followed the guidance and it feels a bit disconcerting to be eating so differently, fears around getting fat come up a bit but it all seems to be staying balanced so far and I have my energy back.

sourceofpassion

Of course being in love also helps the energy levels, you can go with little sleep for a few days buoyed up on the excitement and thrill of being in that space. Which is the other parallel for me in the Solstice themes, after a long period of abstinence I am full of passion and desire as I explore the awakening of consciousness that can come through approaching relationship as a spiritual practice.

I am overflowing with the heat of summer, that matches the heat of my body, my spirit and my soul, my blood burns like hot lava bursting from the rich moist earth, volcanic eruptions and gentle stirrings of trust reborn.

A Rebirth into love……………..ohm shanti, shanti, shanti………….

And just for a bit of summer silliness here is Madness singing “It Must Be Love” from 1981: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmezIIrFQmY

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