The story continues, I am getting very strong physical symptoms that have emerged out of the energies that have been moving through me. They are dark and painful and that is the feeling as my bladder feels like to burst, I am sitting with the feelings and letting them move, also doing spontaneous healing visualisations. Of course I am supposed to be going to see a doctor but I am hoping to avoid that strategy, knocking this out with antibiotics won’t do anything to address the energetic source of the complaint.
The stuff I am letting go of is all about sexual energy, aspects of that force that have been warped and morphed into something that interferes with connection to source, to the bottomless sea of bliss. Somehow I am keeping that silver cord attached even as I feel the intensity and pressure in my bladder, it is a bit like being in two realities at once. I have a friend who has often described me as living on the edge and she is rather accurate I think, this is not fun at all but I am stubborn so am hanging in there and giving my body a chance to heal itself.
Makes focusing on a post a bit difficult but it is also quite useful to put my thoughts into writing, once again the act of putting words to paper helps me to move things along. When I’m done with this post I will have to do some serious focusing on getting the healing done, time to truly let go of that which has held my life-force energy back from its full expression. And on the other side of that story is a new chapter in my life which almost feels like starting all over again, but with a lot more wisdom and knowledge than the first time.
Bringing conscious awareness to everything can make the passage through life easier to navigate, just as a sailor is attuned to the moods of the sea, we can tune into our own and the planet’s flow. Bring it all into harmony and true alignment, this is what I must do………..I will let you know how I get along!
So you want to create or manifest something in your life, there are lots of techniques out there but pretty much all of them talk about setting a strong intention in some way, shape or form. You do the meditation and in time you get what you asked for, sounds so simple doesn’t it, all you need is patience and persistence. See the outcome and let spirit take care of the details. Actually I do believe that this is how the universe works, I just think that there is a bit more complexity in the whole process and sometimes very good reasons why things don’t happen exactly as you may have seen it.
Firstly we are human and often limited when it comes to seeing the bigger picture of life, the universe and everything. So what it is you think that you want may not be so important in the larger scheme of things, spirit often has other ideas on what is important and is seeing with a cosmic, timeless perspective that can be challenging to access when occupying a physical body. Secondly there may be inner obstacles that will actively try to stop you achieving certain goals, early conditioning and traumas that are held in the energetic imprint of our beings.
If you’ve been reading my posts you will know that I have been doing meditations where I’ve been using tools of visualisation to create and manifest my future. Ok, so I’ve been a bit distracted by being madly in love, but I have been doing them at least once a week which is supposed to be sufficient. None the less I have let go of part of that vision as I realised that there are more important things to be focusing on. You could say that I failed in my efforts but I don’t think so, there’s been radical change in my life since I began doing this particular work and my priorities have changed dramatically.
Not through these meditations so much although they certainly have their place in a process that has been going on for the last two years and I think they are good value. I never do just one thing when it comes to spiritual development and all the different methods I have used in that time have played their part in bringing me to a place where I was able to finally receive love in the kind of relationship I always dreamed about.
I will continue to do a variety of practices no doubt and the alpha meditations will probably still feature in my spiritual landscape. But my main practice for now is relationship as a spiritual practice and it is the most powerful healing force that I have ever experienced. It’s also a practice that is easy to do often and with great gusto, this is one example where it is absolutely ok and in fact quite necessary to fall in love with your therapist!
Ain’t love grand!
I said this is crunch time and I meant it, I’m an essentially healthy and happy person who keeps getting sick, I spent a week in bed in August and currently have a cold that started over a week ago and just won’t go away in spite of the foul-tasting herbs I’m taking for it. In between the bugs have been having a good go at me (“Bug Wars”, Sept 30 2013), and usually they would be losing the battle, I’ve gone for years at a time without even getting a cold. The last time this happened was in the months leading up to my big shift from the city to the country, my sense is that there is another shift looming for me so I take it as a positive if annoying sign of things to come.
You can click on this image to be able to read the writing, the website has more information on brain states and cd’s for sale that take you into alpha, theta or delta, I haven’t tried them so can’t recommend but may consider trying them out some time.
So I mentioned that I’m doing a course that involves the Alpha brain state and visualisation techniques, I’ve looked at this sort of thing before and even done some of it, but I always struggled with being able to stay focused. When I do the visualisation I find it really challenging to bring in all the senses and even my visuals are not terribly clear, yet when I do a guided meditation the images always come pouring in vividly. As I write this I’m thinking that it might be useful to tap on this (that’s EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique) before I do the exercises, our facilitator says the images don’t have to be clear, but it is important to be bringing in the other senses so it wouldn’t hurt to make it all a lot more vivid.
I also need to work on my ability to be persistent and not give up, like a lot of people I will do something for a while, but at some point I get distracted and let it go. This has happened with other amazing work that I have connected with in the past, a good example would be Jean Houston’s Awaken To Your Life’s Purpose, an online seminar I did at the end of 2011. http://evolvingwisdom.com/programs/life-purpose.php
Not that I didn’t get a lot out of the course, I connected with other amazing people around the globe that I stay in touch with and who are now very much in my heart space. But I was busy as always and just did the exercises in each session once, all the information is on my computer but I’ve never got back to doing it. So now I have once again been drawn to a course that is motivating me to change that old pattern, wish me luck as I head off once again into the great unknown! Here is an old song from Gracie Fields, “Wish me Luck (As You Wave Me Goodbye): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EUytEX_XkE
A few posts ago I told the story of how I shifted some deep feelings that had been triggered in my yoga class (Goodbye Sweetheart: 21 Aug 2013), it was on this occasion a fairly quick process. This has not always been the case for me and even now I come up against resistance to letting go of my stuff, it isn’t the brick wall that it used to be but it can still be a challenge to move through. With the sorrow that I described that was in my heart, I did notice that there was a part of me that wanted to hold on to that feeling.
When dealing with unexpressed emotions from the past it is sometimes necessary to wallow a bit in that sea of grief or whatever it is that is coming up for you. Give the feeling its full expression and then let it go, that’s the theory but in practice it isn’t always quite so easy. I’ve known people who work on themselves constantly who become addicted to the process of bringing the feelings up but can never seem to actually release them. It’s as if these feelings and the story that they are attached to is so much a part of who they are, on some level they fear that by letting go they will lose their identity.
So the actual letting go part, how do you do it? As a kinesthetic person I feel it in my body, bring my awareness to wherever it is in my body, usually in the belly or the heart. Then I might breathe or tone into that part of my body, or I might use a visualisation as I did with the sorrow, seeing it as a mist and putting it into a sparkling bottle. Your imagination is an important tool in any kind of inner work, a key ingredient for creating change, Einstein said:
“Your imagination is a preview of life’s coming attractions.”
You do need to be committed (not to an asylum!) and to be prepared to give yourself focused time to drop into the parts of you that lie beneath the surface. I found it easier to create the time for that kind of thing after giving up television which I pretty much stopped watching twelve years ago. Try shifting your perception of what it is to spend time dropping within, don’t see it as work, it can be lots of fun even as it challenges and confronts. And the clarity and energy and joy that emerges the more that you heal that which is incomplete, the ecstasy of feeling whole and connected to all things, it’s better than any tv show I ever saw.
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Tagged addiction, Akhundova Samra, connected, ecstasy, Einstein, energy, fear, feelings, grief, heart, identity, imagination, kinesthetic, perception, resistance, shift, sorrow, stuff, visualisation