Tag Archives: wild woman

Dancing In The Moonlight.

There was a time when I lived in my little garden flat with my pussy cat and hardly saw another living soul, apart from the people I worked with and my brother down the road. I spent lots of time on my own exploring myself through writing, I wrote about how I was feeling and sometimes it came out as poetry too. I also was experimenting with automatic writing, if you are not familiar with this technique, it’s where you put your mind to one side and let your intuitive brain take over.

I remember being with my brother sometimes when we were learning how to do this and there was a particular character who began appearing whenever I wrote, she called herself Milomel. She was very feisty and used to get annoyed with my bro, who has a wicked sense of humour, sometimes she would refuse to speak to me if he was in the room! Sound a little bit crazy? It’s a type of channeling and people have all sorts of ideas about what is actually going on in this process. That is a discussion for another post, in this particular example it eventually became very clear who Milomel was, and where she had come from.

This wild woman was a part of me that had split off when I was 12 years old, I even found the frozen moment in time when I saw something that shocked me deeply, and which I knew on some level signified the end of my parent’s marriage. I had completely forgotten it until Milomel came back and reminded me, this is an example of a soul fragment coming to search for me rather than the other way around.

I don’t actually remember how I came to the process of finally integrating my wild woman back into myself, I recall lying on my bed for a number of hours while it went on. I knew nothing then about soul retrieval, I was simply following my instincts, the natural impulse towards wholeness that I believe lies within us all. This was an important time for me in that journey, every time you heal  a part of yourself you take a step forward but some steps are more critical than others.

It’s so important to be able to allow yourself to be wild, to rebel and get angry, to dance in the moonlight or flirt with the handsome man on the other side of the room. Twenty years later I am truly reaping the rewards of that intuitive search conducted by my earlier self, thank you little Kerry, I acknowledge and honour you for your courage.

Without you then, I wouldn’t be here now! Love and blissings all round………..

einsteinintuitiverational

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Monsters Under The Bed.

I spoke of how the energy of this house I’m living in at the moment, has been good for relationship, and that it didn’t happen exactly as I might have imagined. Of course I’m only half way through my time here, so I’m sure that there are more exciting events on the way, quite apart from the four dinner, movie nights I have scheduled! Not to mention the dinner for six that is happening tomorrow night. The entertaining has gone well and has gone pretty much to plan, it’s more the romantic side of things that was different, and that’s something I can lay fairly and squarely at the feet of Fay Fairytale.

This is not to lay blame elsewhere or avoid responsiblity, Fay is a part of me and if I can’t keep her in check nobody can! And as I said in my last post, she conspired with the object of my admiration to trigger lots of stuff that I am much better off without, I can trip lightly through the world now, dance in the sunlight! It also brought me to a place of power in giving me the chance to speak up for myself, and that is something that happened here in this place. So easy to create sacred space here for whatever occasion I might be planning, the energy is already flowing beautifully, all I need to do is make adjustments according to what is going to happen.

And so I took my courage in both hands and I spoke, and it wasn’t perfect, I didn’t get the response I would have liked and in retrospect I wish I had been more challenging. But what truly matters is that I did it, I’ve been in the process of moving on ever since and part of that is to be ok with the fact that I could have done better. Last time I looked I wasn’t perfect, oh well, I think I can live with that one! Every time I meet a challenge that terrifies me I become stronger and more whole, the monsters under the bed are starting to look pretty tame.

Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak.

Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak.

My Wild Woman is sick of slaying monsters, all she wants to do now is kick up her heels and have fun!

The Pity Party.

My Wild Woman is urging me to throw off my sad cloak and to throw myself into the fray with every bit of me that’s available, she wants me to have FUN, FUN, FUN…………and I couldn’t agree more! There may be waves of sadness still at times in my future, but there will always be grey days even in a Technicolor life. That is the light and shade of a life well lived, the landscapes keep on changing and there is always more to take in and enjoy.

wildwoman

The other night when I was in that grieving process, I ended up on you tube looking up unrequited love, soppy I know but I bet you’ve done stuff like that, you’re just not game to admit it! The songs just weren’t doing it for me and so I watched a clip from Leah, who is a very smart young woman giving advice on how to deal with unrequited love. She is so spot on with what she says, I was reminded that dance is a way that I process difficult feelings, and that the most important thing was to be in my life fully and passionately. She has lots of other cool things to say, check it out, she’s obviously one of those awake Generation Y kids (See my next post Generation of Hope).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEIlp9Q4R1Q

From there I ended up listening to Abraham, channelled by Esther Hicks if you haven’t heard of him, he talks a lot about creating the vibration that you want to attract, well moping around and sobbing sporadically isn’t going to bring you anything you really want is it? The last clip I listened to was Dating Abraham Style and that really got me out of the trough I was wallowing in, not that a little bit of wallowing isn’t ok, but you don’t want to spend your whole life there! Abraham kept saying, (about dating), its supposed to be fun, don’t keep saying, is this the one, is this the one, just get out there and have a good time, the rest will take care of itself.

So I’m taking that advice to heart and going to a party this weekend, I’m actually driving an hour away up the coast, usually its hard to pry me out of my wonderful little town but there are times when you really do need a change of scene. I intend to go without expectation, with an open heart and the intention to have lots of fun meeting beautiful people and being myself in all my fullness!

Here’s that Abraham clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vL3lm1Inplc

The Raging Phoenix.

Red hot I release my anger, coming fast upon the tears that open the gateways to even deeper parts of self, letting go of restraint with no one to hear or to judge, I call upon Kali in her destructive face to cut away that which is not in integrity. When all the lies are stripped away she turns her creative face upon me, and together we shall shape a new kind of world, one in which that which is not true to itself can not hold its form.

Oh what judgement lies here, ’tis not to be seen in the wider world, simply released and thereby to become free. When emotions come up that are not considered to be ok, anger, jealousy, resentment, so often we push them back down again because they are not ‘socially acceptable’. Even when we are in our own space with no one to see, our private audience of critics watch carefully to make sure that we do not cross the line of what is permissible.

Oh Goddess, let me be in my fullness as a wild woman, let me be true to myself and my emotional realms no matter where they may take me. Help me to let go of all that has been held in readiness, for that moment of courage, when the speaking of truth became more urgent than the fears that held it back from that place of strength and power. I am a whole being full of light, I do not depend upon another to radiate that light into the world.

The purifying force of anger and rage, the cleansing waters of deepest grief, wash away my fears, bring illumination to my mind, my body and my soul. Let me be reborn from the ashes, like the phoenix glowing in a golden haze, like the soul on its journey through the eons.

Phoenix_Rising

Blessed be, blessed be…………….may the show go on, and remember always that it is, in the end, just another story……….feel free to do a rewrite at any time!

Bad Queen.

Bad Queen kicks arse, she does what she wants with who she wants and the rules of society don’t concern her at all! Justice does though, you’d better not cross Bad Queen, she’ll make sure that karma catches up with you real fast. On the other hand, if you look out for her, you will have her loyalty for ever, she will never let you down.

badqueen

Bad Queen, also known as BQ, is a wild woman, she represents the part of us that wants to rebel against the status quo, the aspect of self that knows its own worth and acts accordingly. The rights or wrongs of what she does depend largely on the perspective of the one who is judging, in a society where people are indoctrinated to be like sheep, she is the wolf, the baddie!

I think it’s time for me to explore my BQ nature, let the sweet receptive soft feminine do the counselling, the massage, and the healings, everybody else watch out! How do I know this is the time for me to do this? Because the idea of it scares the bejesus out of me! Whenever I contemplate a course of action and feel fear coming up it’s like a signpost saying, time to face this one. I need to develop more of an edge, learn how to give people a hard time if they deserve it, something I have trouble doing even as a joke. Pathetic I know but BQ is going to help me move through all that and find my inner strength without becoming a bitch.

That’s the thing about BQ, she isn’t mean, nasty or petty, if you do the right thing by her she’s a great person to hang out with. You’ll be laughing and inspired and full of the joy of life, her energy is infectious, in a good way!

Oh boy, what have I got myself into………………..BQ, I am going to do my best to let you come out and play but be kind to me, this is going to be quite a challenge. Calling on the energy of Kali and Lilith, two kick arse Goddesses who embody exactly the qualities I am looking to find in myself!

Lilith.

Lilith.