Awareness and deep relaxation doesn’t always lead to bliss, at least not in the short term! I came home from a beautiful silent retreat yesterday feeling still and empty and was greeted by an excited Beloved who was very happy to see me. In his excitement I got triggered and I ended up releasing with tears and feeling quite miserable. And guess what, it was nobody’s fault! He didn’t say or do anything wrong but neither could I keep from expressing the feelings inside of me. I remembered the little card I had received during the retreat day which at the time I thought sounded like something it would be good to do but wasn’t sure what the precise message was. In this moment of tearful letting go I reflected on the message which was very clear at that moment, it was “be vulnerable”.
In a day of silence with restorative yoga, mindfulness meditation, and generally connecting with self and resting deeply I relaxed to a point that I haven’t experienced for what seems like a long time. With the tears I let go even more and shed a whole lot of stuff that I think I might have been holding on to for some time. This is a very good thing and something to celebrate but it doesn’t always feel good in the moment and it is taking a while for this to all move through. The point is that my Beloved and I didn’t end up having a big fight even though we both felt horrible, we supported each other as best we could and also gave each other space. And we didn’t stop saying “I love you” either, that’s something that is always true whatever the current emotional landscape.
Articulating your experience in any way that you can manage is a really great way to process uncomfortable feelings. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve done excellent processing and even managed a few insights as I share my inner world in this blog. Nobody is asking you to tell the whole world what you are feeling but putting it on paper or telling the dog can be a good way to release and process. Or you may find your own way of doing this, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else or involve coercion the choice is yours. And as the dust settles and the energy moves and integrates you are left with a deeper connection to yourself and to your partner. It is a challenging journey at times but I am never sorry to have embarked on the path of Sacred Union. Here is an article on Conscious Relationships you might enjoy:
And here is a post-script and report on how I did with the challenge I set myself last week to do some yoga and dance over the week. With a class and a retreat day I had no trouble doing yoga 4 times but I didn’t manage one dance, in fact I completely forgot about that bit! So I’m going to keep it simple and just focus on the yoga for now, another 4 times in the coming week. If you can get to Maleny I highly recommend the retreat I did with Melissa Borich, the setting is beautiful and the energy of the place quite delicious and very gentle, just what I needed!
I’ve been a bit stressy the last few weeks for lots of different reasons so it is with a sense of great relief that I can declare myself as extremely chilled! Some of this is due to actual events but a lot of it has to do with the big changes that my internal beliefs have gone through. When my Beloved hit some bureaucratic snags that affect our income I did not go into gloom and doom, my focus was rather on all the good stuff that is happening instead. And I made a conscious decision that I was prepared to let go of anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary to our survival including the trip for my brother’s wedding. I didn’t contract over money in fact I suggested we go out for dinner and guess what, the world didn’t end. Not only did the world not end but other changes have taken a whole lot of pressure away from the goals I’ve been striving for and it is all looking very achievable.
What is really getting me excited is that I responded positively to changing events even when they seemed negative. I found things to be grateful for and took the opportunity to take care of myself by going to yoga and meditation and then having a very relaxing weekend. I was already chilled when the bits of good news came through so things just got better and better! So no matter how hard it might seem to have a practice of gratitude or meditation or yoga, it really is worth doing whether the results are instant or take a lot of time. Having a sense of purpose helps a lot as it can keep you on track with what you are doing even when it seems like nothing is happening. Interpreting events in positive ways is also very helpful and giving focus to those things will pay off in how you feel about life in general.
Being generous is also a factor in having a sense of well-being in your life, the article at the end of this post talks about ways in which you can improve the skills that will help you to become healthier and happier. Helping other people feels good and there are numerous studies that demonstrate the truth of this. Become a regular volunteer and you will increase your chance of living longer and enjoying your time on the planet a whole lot more! I’ve been pretty busy and stressed out but that hasn’t stopped me from volunteering at my local neighbourhood centre for a few hours each week and it is contributing to my sense of well-being. Neuroscience is showing us that being kind and compassionate is good for our neurons so if you want to be really healthy it’s time to be nice at every opportunity. And don’t forget to include yourself in that approach!
Here’s the article I mentioned:
My current view is a little bit more suburban but here are some of those lovely green Maleny Hills.
I sit looking out at a scene that I will not see again in this way after we have moved on in a couple of weeks. Morning light on green trees, chill air and birds enjoying their Sunday morning. It’s much darker where we are going, a big space that is awaiting our creativity and will require a fair amount of time and focus. Part of me is asking Spirit why, why this move at this time? My mind keeps wandering off to other places and I find myself picking up my book and starting to read again before I remember that I am doing something. Moving is a lot of work and I always work better with a firm purpose or intention, mind you having a cosy nest with my Beloved is probably reason enough for anything that we need to do to get there. But I’m human and I like to know why sometimes so I asked the question and tuned in.
What came through finally after I’d finished being distracted, was the idea of being interconnected, particularly in the community in which we live my love and I. It is a wonderful community and we have already experienced Spirit bringing us things we will need for our new home. In the Love Bubble that my Beloved and I swim in there sometimes seems not a lot of need for other people. That can never be true of course and we are not complete hermits or anything like that but we do supply rather a lot of each others needs. So moving into a situation where we have to connect with our immediate and even the wider community as we seek to make our new home is a useful reminder of how important these connections are. Spirit, the Guru, whatever you want to call it, will always bring us something that will aid us in our spiritual development.
We may not always like all aspects of where the flow of Spirit takes us as we evolve and grow in the best way that we know how. But I do know for sure that by looking for the gifts in each new experience I am far more likely to flow into great outcomes and to be surprised by how perfectly everything turns out, in ways I never expected! And so it will be with this move, I just hope I get over eating to manage some of the anxious feelings before I become the size of a house! The new space has room to set up a healing area so maybe I can get inspired into a daily yoga and meditation practice, that would be incredibly awesomely wonderful! Aho!